THURSDAY, 16 SEPTEMBER 2004
The whole truth, loneliness, and practical arrangements
I still feel lonely, but not as much as a year or three ago. One reason is I now know people need each other for the fulfilment of a range of needs, both emotional and physical. If these needs are eliminated, everything changes.
* * *
The belief in many cultures is that people need other people, is that not so?
Yes, because “many cultures” are trying to figure out how to provide basic comfort to the individual in the face of a terrible reality. It is a practical arrangement, like your name. It is not the Whole Truth.
MONDAY, 20 SEPTEMBER 2004
For the past several weeks I have been contemplating a choice, in various forms: To live for this world, or to “die” in this world.
If I choose to live, my current half-life is not good enough.
If I choose to “die”, my current half-death is also not good enough.
* * *
Some people find appearing in the world very stressful; naturally they try to avoid it as much as possible. I understand this.
Existential question
The question remains: Should I continue to be what I have worked out I want to be, taken into consideration all the given factors – to cultivate a relationship with the world as “Brand Smit”, and to appear to the world as “Brand Smit” on a daily basis, to hopefully play a constructive role and to make a positive contribution while I function, for all practical purposes, as “Brand Smit” … OR … do I pull out of the game, and terminate my appearance and accompanying role and my functioning as “Brand Smit”, and see where it takes me?
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