Category: Where you are nobody

Saturday, 5 July 1997

Any person can justify taking over political power by force and become a tyrant. Any person can also justify eliminating this tyrant. Any tyrant can justify strengthening his position with any means at his disposal.

A criminal can justify committing criminal acts. Agents of Law and Order can justify hunting criminals as they would a rabid dog to remove him or her from society. The criminal can, of course, justify protecting his freedom against the Agents of Law and Order with all means at his disposal. And the Agents of Law and Order can justify maintaining law and order with all means at their disposal for the sake of Common Good.

Agents of Revolution can justify revolting against (current) Law and Order. And any number of individuals can justify – to others and to themselves – supporting the uprising.

One can therefore say that it wasn’t exceptional for Agents of Apartheid to justify trying to maintain Apartheid by using all means available to them, and it was entirely reasonable for the Agents of the Struggle for Human Rights to justify their fight against Apartheid by all means at their disposal.

Agents of the (current) Order, therefore, find it justifiable to protect the Order against the Agents of Revolution; Agents of Revolution also regard it as justifiable to fight the order with all means at their disposal.

Question: On what do people and groups base the justification for their actions?

Preliminary considerations: Survival of the fittest … common good … anything else?

No person, institution or organisation can take for granted that it is the strongest. Any person, institution, or organisation can justify challenging with all means and methods at their disposal a stronger person, institution or organisation in an attempt to improve its own position.

One Person can therefore justify challenging Other Person if the former believes he can overcome his opponent; and if he overcomes him, that he will be able to defend his new position.

If One Person takes on Other Person in a fight and loses, the latter can justify wiping out with ruthless brutality One Person and even others who think like him. Would it be fair according to the Law of the Jungle, of Beat to Death or Get Beaten to Death? It seems so.

Is the Law of the Jungle morally justifiable? What is the benchmark?

Where, at the end of the day, do you stand as an individual? How do you work out on which side of the line you position yourself?

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Wednesday, 11 June 1997

A man in his mid-twenties concludes after nearly a year in a foreign country that his identity is a product of suburban middle-class culture. He has been well aware of his feelings regarding this particular socio-economic reality, but now he recognises it as the demon that is barking the loudest behind him, that growls the fiercest at him in the darkest hours of the night.

The middle-class suburbia where his roots lie is, however, not the one you see on TV or in the movies. His parents were often broke, and his family experienced long periods of turbulence. To tell the truth, for years they were just middle-class on the surface. Had you scratched a little at them with a fingernail, you’d have exposed them for what they really were: “poor whites” who for the previous ten or fifteen years had not possessed the right car, never had enough money or, for that matter, any decent kind of job, not to mention the fact that they regularly got the chills at the mere thought of the bailiff with his jelled bouffant and his white Toyota who could pound on their front door at any moment to claim everything they owned.

His parents nevertheless always endeavoured to be accepted in the middle-class. Why? “It’s about the type of people we are.”

Despite the fact that his family never really belonged in the suburbs, the protagonist still struggles with what he regards as his middle-class heritage – the culture, physical appearance, and ideas of what an adult should do with his life.

The fact of the matter is, and this should surprise no one, this particular character despises suburban middle-class culture! The things they value … the pettiness … the fear and anxiety about what it would do to your status if something should go wrong. It’s one step away from the grave! The petite bourgeoisie? That’s exactly what it is! The class of pettiness!

The question is, how does the main character of this story go about processing his uncompromising contempt for what he regards as the source of his identity?

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Sunday, 8 June 1997

Okay, I’m going to read this entry later on and think: “Shit, so that’s how I felt back then!”

I hate Korea. I fucking hate it here. I can’t take it anymore. I’m lonely, cut off from my family, and cut off from my language and my culture. I’m basically just hanging on.

I sometimes feel like a prisoner. People talk to me in public and I feel like I’m obliged to be polite. I can’t just tell them to move on, I’m not in the mood to chat.

Can you believe that months ago, say February/March, I was so positive at times? Here I am on the fucking eve of the second week of JUNE, four and a half weeks before I go home, and I feel like I’m going to shit in my pants from just enough!

Okay, it’s Sunday. I’ve … survived three days in my own company. What do I expect? To feel good?

I’ll feel better at the end of this week. This week I’ll sort out my work permit, and by the end of the week, it will only be three and a half weeks before I go home …

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Sunday, 1 June 1997

The train quietly slipped into the station just past midnight. I shared a compartment with some Koreans, a Canadian friend and his Australian girlfriend, and a somewhat aggressive drunk acquaintance.

The station looked abandoned. In the waiting room was a TV and a VCR. Scarface with Al Pacino was showing, but there was something wrong with the display.

It was hot. A storm was brewing somewhere in the distance, and the wind was pulling at the wooden frame mirror next to the window.

Another part of my journey was over, and another part had begun. The station’s name: JUNE 1997.

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Thursday, 27 March 1997

I just read a few entries from last year. How things have changed!

Anyways, maybe I should start with a breakdown of my situation on 27 March 1997. I have about two million won [USD2000/R10,000] in the bank, ₩28,000 [USD28/R140] in my wallet, and ₩320,000 [USD320/R1,600] in my closet. Next week is payday again – about ₩840,000 [USD840/R4,200]. I’ve been in Korea for almost nine months. After months of longing, plans to go home early and being fed up with life in Korea I have reached a plateau – a very comfortable plateau.

I reckon I have so far gone through four phases: The first phase was one of discovery and adaptation (about three months); then the “Shit! It’s still so long before I can go home!” phase (about three months); the phase of neutrality – you’re not overly positive about the place but you’re not that negative either (about two months); and finally, the stage of comfort and security when you say, “Hey, with a few extra posters on the wall, some extra clothing and so on I can easily stay another year!”

This most recent phase is not bad at all. I have money in the bank, the days and weeks go by with monotonous regularity, and my living and working conditions are comfortable. I’m used to everything by now – my job, my room, my bed, my social activities. And the fact that one has money in the bank and you’re earning a salary … who’d want to leave a situation like this?

That’s my problem – a completely new, uncharted existential crisis. Should I move on, exactly because I might be getting too comfortable, with a sense of security that is almost exclusively based on the continuation of my current situation, or should I cherish the sense of security I am currently experiencing for as long as it lasts?

Is it time to move on, because the stepping stone is getting smooth underfoot, and I must be careful I don’t slip, or is it a case of not killing the goose that lays the golden eggs?

Is Korea still just a stepping stone for Europe, or is it a stepping stone towards a position where I could really make some choices?

Last comment: I must remain ready to move along on short notice.

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