Alternative life paths crossed for me in 1995

MONDAY, 18 JULY 2022

When I went to Europe in March 1995, I only had enough money for about two weeks of cheap accommodation.

I landed at Orly airport, about ten kilometres south of one of the most beautiful cities in Europe – Paris. It was at the beginning of March, so when I left Cape Town, it was still warm enough for shorts and a T-shirt. The moment I got off the plane and the 2º Celsius air hit my face, I thought I was going to freeze to death before I saw the Eiffel Tower.

Remains of a plane ticket

I took a bus to the city. From the window I saw caricatures of France: a man with a fat moustache with a baguette under his arm; a taxi driver with a fat moustache who explained with exaggerated hand gestures that the man in the other car was wrong; an attractive woman in a red dress and loose, wavy hair, who I was sure smelled of perfume.

I got out when I figured we were more or less in the centre of town. The bus stop was a few blocks from the Seine, and on the other side of a large park was the Les Invalides – where a few days later I would see a trench coat with mud stains from the First World War.

View from the apartment

I sat down on a bench next to the bus stop and smoked a Paul Revere, and considered myself very fortunate.

Then I started looking for my accommodation – a one bedroom apartment of an acquaintance from high school. The only clues I had were the cryptic notes of a mutual friend who had spent a few nights there a year before. It took me about seven hours to track it down. By late afternoon I had spent my first franc at a supermarket in the neighbourhood – on a piece of cheese, a pack of macaroni, and two cans of Czech beer.

Source of cheese and cheap beer

The first week I was alone in the apartment. I walked for miles every day – to the Eiffel Tower, to the Place de la Concorde, to the Père Lachaise cemetery, to the Moulin Rouge, and up and down the Champs-Elysées. One day I also took the train out of the city to the palace in Versailles – a definite highlight.

Apartment of high school acquaintance in Paris

At the end of the week, my acquaintance returned to his apartment. I stayed a few more days, and then bought a bus ticket to Amsterdam. Here I visited the Anne Frank House … and not the Van Gogh Museum because it was too expensive.

The plan from the beginning was to get some kind of job to keep myself alive and every now and then to travel to interesting places. In Paris it was not possible because of the language. In Amsterdam I went to a McDonald’s and asked about work. The application form indicated that if I was not a citizen, I had to be able to prove that I was a refugee. I also met the son of a friend of a university professor. He had vague ideas about knocking on doors to offer your services as a cleaner, or something like that.

Next stop, London: The capital of illegal work for anyone from anywhere in the world. I found a bed in a room with six or seven other men in a small hotel not far from Victoria Station. Quickly made friends and walked around for a few days – had a photo taken of myself with Tower Bridge in the background and visited the Imperial War Museum and the British Museum, but I didn’t really look for work. One night on the news there was an item about a man from Nigeria who had been working illegally. The police came looking for him where he lived. He was startled, jumped out of the window, and fell to his death. Another South African who also stayed in the hotel talked about construction work, and that it helped if you had a working holiday permit.

Hotel in London
Bridge and tourist on a sunny day in London

Friends of mine spent six months in Britain the previous year on working holiday permits. No surprise that it seemed like a more attractive option than running from the police.

Red light district in Amsterdam

I decided to go back to Amsterdam, from where my flight was booked back to South Africa – actually not until months later, but I had the option of changing it. Someone talked about cheap youth hostels in the red-light district where you could get free bed and breakfast if you helped clean and did laundry. I found a place in a hostel in a room that smelled of dirty socks and unwashed bodies. I inquired about work, and they said they would think about it (to check if you were trustworthy, I later learned). However, I only had enough money left for a few days, so on the third day I called the airline and booked a place on the earliest flight back to South Africa. A day before I was to fly, the manager informed me that they could use my services if I was still interested. However, by that time I had less than the equivalent of ten euros left.

Hands in the pocket, but broke

Of course, today I think back on opportunities I didn’t take. Why didn’t I apply for a work permit before I went, knowing full well what benefits it would bring? Fact is, I tried, but the travel agent said it would take something like two weeks, and I didn’t have two weeks. Only later did I find out it only took a day or two. The two weeks in Paris, though I didn’t pay for accommodation, also ate into my finances. Why didn’t I find out about the free bed and breakfast if you work at the place in the first week in Amsterdam? Don’t know. Why wasn’t I actively asking around London for opportunities? Lack of confidence? Lack of motivation? The man who jumped to his death would probably have made an impression on anyone, but after all there were thousands of other people who worked illegally in London or elsewhere on the islands. And why not take the job in the hostel and see if I survived for a few weeks until something else happened? Probably thought my plan to go back to South Africa, apply for a work permit, and then come back made more sense. And it was safer.

Making friends on a napkin

Would it have helped if I had a partner there who said: “Let’s do it! Let’s take a chance!”?

Yes, it would have made a difference.

A few weeks after I got back to South Africa, I applied for a work permit, and got it. Beautifully it graced my passport for six months, and then it expired. Never got together enough money for a second plane ticket to Europe.

Right around the time the work permit expired (end of 1995), I saw an advertisement for “Teaching in Korea” in the Cape Times. What happened next is the timeline of my real life over the past quarter century.

How many alternative timelines did not cross each other in those few months of 1995?

Can one say with certainty that everything would have worked out differently if you had changed one thing years ago, said yes to something, said no to something else, taken a later flight, walked in a different direction, took a bigger chance? Do you wish things had turned out differently?

I am happy with my current life, and with how my life has developed the last 27 years. But if I closed my eyes and the alternative lines were revealed to me, would I see a more interesting life than the one I’ve been living? Would it have been more dream than nightmare, or the other way around?

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Biological design and purpose in your life

TUESDAY, 12 JULY 2022

Scott Adams in Episode 1800 of his YouTube Livestream (54:42): You find meaning in your life when what you do most closely aligns with your biological design. (Not a direct quote because I wanted to make it a little clearer.)

One example is someone whose body and brain are best suited to raising children. If this person tries to find meaning in something else, the experience will be less positive than if they are involved in the process of raising a child.

Adams sees himself as a “Tribal Elder” for the international community of people who regularly tune in to his livestreams, and who read what he writes. So, if he is talking about how he sees things – right or wrong, smart or ignorant on a particular subject, or if he is giving advice on how to overcome certain obstacles, he is doing what he sees as most suitable for his biological design. Like most people, he also wanted to procreate at one time, but in the end the need weighed less on him than the motivation to be an Elder. Other people are more suited to fight physically for other people’s lives – people who serve in fire brigades are one example.

I didn’t have to think long about what gives me the strongest awareness of a meaningful existence. I’ve known for most of my adult life that writing fills me with … I might almost go as far as to say … euphoria. Of course, it is stronger with certain pieces, and less so with others. But nothing else fills me with such a strong consciousness that I am doing what I am supposed to do. The idea of ​​biological design is just the latest way of expressing it.

Is that different from saying it feels right? I reckon it’s in the same neighbourhood, if not more or less the same thing.

Any serious person is taught not to trust feelings as much as reason and critical thinking. But let’s say you find yourself ten or twenty or thirty times in a situation where you have to look after children or where you express yourself creatively in some way, or where you teach other people things. Every time there is a feeling of contentment and happiness that is not present in other situations, or that, according to your own subjective measure, does not manifest so strongly. After the first few times, you eliminate food you ate or pleasant weather or company as the source of the feeling. You may have gotten the feeling even when you were hungry, or when you ate something that didn’t sit well with you. You got the feeling on days that were uncomfortably hot, and on days that were bitterly cold. And you got the feeling with or without company. Should the feeling still be ignored, or is your body trying to tell you something?

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You’re suffering from delusion, but I think you’re all right

SATURDAY, 2 JULY 2022

Say you have a neighbour. He is a devout Muslim, but no supporter of the more radical movements that people associate with violence in the Middle East and Europe. He’s a local businessman – owns a small shop in a busy area.

As a devout Muslim, he believes he is better than unbelievers – which includes you, his neighbour.

You’ve had deep conversations with him on several occasions about gods/God, reality, faith and religion, and how you know what you know. You are convinced that he firmly believes that a Muslim is superior to a non-believer.

You search around a bit on the Internet and get the following from Wikipedia about delusion: “A delusion is a false fixed belief that is not amenable to change in light of conflicting evidence. As a pathology, it is distinct from a belief based on false or incomplete information, confabulation, dogma, illusion, hallucination, or some other misleading effects of perception, as individuals with those beliefs are able to change or readjust their beliefs upon reviewing the evidence. However: ‘The distinction between a delusion and a strongly held idea is sometimes difficult to make and depends in part on the degree of conviction with which the belief is held despite clear or reasonable contradictory evidence regarding its veracity.’”

So, your neighbour thinks he’s a better person than you because he follows a certain set of beliefs.

You think he’s suffering from delusion.

Nevertheless, you recently celebrated your birthday and decided to invite a few people over for dinner. You also invite your neighbour, and he accepts.

The evening is quite pleasant. Everyone enjoys the food, and the discussions are interesting and varied.

At the end of the evening, your neighbour thanks you for the invitation. You thank him for coming.

He still thinks his faith makes him better than you, and you still think he’s suffering from delusion.

* * *

Some people are filled with absolute confidence in their delusions.

It is also a common phenomenon that people who suffer from serious delusions about the nature of reality can nevertheless function in diverse situations and different environments without much difficulty.

Just think of the millions of Christians who are firmly convinced that Hindus and Muslims and people of other faiths will burn in Hell forever after their death, but otherwise these Christians function perfectly well in society. Think also of Muslims and Hindus and people of other faiths who are firmly convinced people who do not believe like them and do not perform the rituals that affirm membership to a particular symbolic reality, are ignorant fools who will one day pay the price for their stubbornness. At the same time, these Muslims and Hindus and people of other faiths have no problem facing the most advanced challenges in their social and professional lives.

Not only can you suffer from severe delusion and function perfectly well in the community, you can also make a particularly positive difference to other people’s lives, leaving an extremely positive legacy.

* * *

Actually part of another discussion, but I must table the question: Are religious beliefs necessarily delusions? I believe, no. Not if you acknowledge that what you believe in cannot necessarily be proven, and that your faith is a personal choice to believe in something you hope to be true. It is, in other words, not delusional to say, “I know what I believe in may not be true.”

(By the way, this piece is not really about religion.)

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If I were Russian (in February 2022)

[23/06/22: Jacques Baud, a former member of the Swiss Strategic Intelligence Service and former NATO adviser and analyst, pointed out in an informative article three reasons why Russia launched its military action against Ukraine in February 2022. Reason one: The encroachment of NATO to Russian borders and the threat it poses to Russia. Reason two: The refusal of the government of Ukraine to implement the Minsk II Treaty, mediated by France and Germany in 2015. The treaty would have given the south-eastern parts of Ukraine some autonomy in a federal system within Ukraine and entrenched the language rights of the Russian-speaking inhabitants of these areas. Reason three: The aggressive military attacks launched by the government in Kiev against the population of the Donbas (in south-eastern Ukraine) since 2014. The majority of this population was opposed to the coup carried out in Kiev in 2014 – a coup encouraged and supported by the US government. Most of the inhabitants in these parts of Ukraine have close ethnic, cultural, historical, and linguistic ties with the Russian population on the other side of the border. These attacks on urban centres in the Donbas increased significantly in February 2022 – shortly before the Russian military operation, with fatal consequences for ordinary civilians. However, the following note from May only focuses on how I believe many Russians are seeing NATO’s encroachment.]

THURSDAY, 25 MAY 2022

I understand why Russia invaded Ukraine in February 2022.

I don’t know if Vladimir Putin, or the Russian Foreign Minister, or perhaps the Russian representative to the United Nations put it exactly this way, but here’s how I think many Russians could have explained the situation:

“In the last hundred years or so we have been invaded three times from the west. The last time, in 1941, we underestimated the threat. It cost us the destruction of 70,000 villages, and more than 1,700 larger towns. Forty percent of our housing was destroyed or damaged. Twenty-five million Soviet citizens were left homeless. More than 26 million people lost their lives, of which 14 million came from the Russian Soviet Republic alone. We lost almost all the wealth we had built up during industrialisation in the 1930s. Our economy shrank by 20% between 1941 and 1945 and did not recover to pre-war levels until the 1960s.

“It will not happen again that we underestimate a military threat from the west.

“NATO was established in 1949 to oppose the Soviet Union and the Warsaw Pact. Since 1991, this threat has ceased to exist. NATO has, however, continued to expand its membership and its military capacity. The expansion of NATO closer and closer to Russia since 1999 makes it clear that Russia – as the primary successor state of the Soviet Union – is the target. Russia no longer sees NATO as a defensive alliance. Actions in the former Yugoslavia and Libya make it clear that NATO sees it as its right to pursue an aggressive policy towards any target that does not enjoy their protection.

“Russia cannot afford to be caught off guard again. We see NATO’s growing proximity to our most populous urban centres as an existential threat. A military alliance with nuclear weapons in their arsenal is antagonistic towards your motherland. For what reason would you ignore or underestimate such a threat? We will not wait to be attacked again, and then try to defend ourselves. If a red line is crossed, we attack first. That is the only way we can expect to continue to exist as a nation.”

* * *

Scott Ritter says the following on Consortium News: “[If] the U.S. cannot understand how the accumulation of military power encompassed in a military alliance which views Russia as a singular, existential threat to its members’ security is seen by Russia as threatening, then there is no comprehension of how the events of June 22, 1941 have shaped the present-day Russian psyche, [and] why Russia will never again allow such a situation to occur […]”

* * *

I think people have a choice. Learn some basic facts about the history of Russia before the revolutions of 1917. Learn about the area that is now Ukraine – especially the difference between the western and eastern parts. Learn about the way Crimea was incorporated into the Soviet Republic of Ukraine in 1954. Learn about the price the Soviet Union (with Russia as the primary republic) paid to defeat Nazi Germany in World War II, and learn about the brutal plans that Nazi Germany had with the inhabitants of Russia and other Soviet Republics. Learn some basic facts – or learn nothing and understand nothing.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_War_II_casualties_of_the_Soviet_Union

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_Union_in_World_War_II

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1954_transfer_of_Crimea

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enlargement_of_NATO

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minsk_agreements#Minsk_II,_February_2015

* * *

Egor Kholmogorov writes in an article on Russia Today on 27 May 2022: “Russians living in Russia, as well as those living in Ukraine, cannot understand why Ukrainian land should be used by NATO. In Russia, Ukraine’s possible accession to the US-led military bloc is not construed as a free choice made by the country in its own security interests, but as a means for the West to build advance bases for launching a direct attack on Moscow.”

Saturday, 25 June 2022

Interesting point about the reliability of Jacques Baud, the Swiss analyst I referred to at the beginning of this piece. In an interview with The Postil Magazine, the following question is asked, with Baud’s answer:

“[The Postil Magazine]: You have written two insightful articles about the current conflict in the Ukraine […]. Was there a particular event or an instance which led you to formulate this much-needed perspective?

[Jacques Baud]: As a strategic intelligence officer, I always advocated providing to the political or military decision-makers the most accurate and the most objective intelligence. This is the kind of job where you need to keep you prejudice and your feelings to yourself, in order to come up with an intelligence that reflects as much as possible the reality on the ground rather than your own emotions or beliefs. I also assume that in a modern democratic State decision must be fact-based. This is the difference with autocratic political systems where decision-making is ideology-based (such as in the Marxist States) or religion-based (such as in the French pre-revolutionary monarchy).”

Of course, the most deceptive liar in the history of intelligence can also give such an answer, and then proceed with an inaccurate, subjective analysis of a situation. You simply have to look at the totality of such a person’s work and form your own opinion.

Monday, 29 August 2022

After finishing this piece, I read a book titled, Moscow Calling: Memoirs of a Foreign Correspondent, by Angus Roxburgh. In the chapter, “The Fear of War,” the author confirms many of the sentiments and opinions already expressed in this piece.

The author states that it took him decades, and personal meetings with numerous Russians, before he understood the huge difference between the British perception of war and that of the Russians: “Brought up in a country where Second World War on the home front means Dad’s Army, our senses were – and are – truly numb to the reality of total war. The battles of the eastern front were the most devastating in all human history. Between 1941 and 1944 the Germans occupied or destroyed major Soviet cities: Kiev, Minsk, Smolensk, Stalingrad. Almost half of the entire population of the USSR experienced occupation by Nazi forces. In Leningrad, which was besieged and bombarded for 900 days, a million civilians – a third of its population – starved to death.”

Roxburgh also confirms death tolls during World War II: Britain had 67,000 civilian deaths, and the continental US no civilian deaths, compared to the Soviet Union’s 16 million deaths. Furthermore, Britain had 380,000 military deaths, America 400,000, and the Soviet Union 10 million.

According to the author, many Western “experts” believe that Russia only became obsessed with NATO expansion with the arrival of Vladimir Putin. He points out, however, that Yeltsin and Gorbachev were equally baffled by the alliance’s decision to expand into Eastern Europe. He reckons that Putin has become a handy excuse to justify a policy that started long before anyone had heard of Putin.

Roxburgh concludes the chapter by referring to his earlier belief in Gorbachev’s vision of a common European home at the end of the Cold War. By 1995, however, he was on the border between the part of Russia that houses Kaliningrad, and Poland. The border was in the process of being fortified. He quotes his report for a TV news program: “Seen from here, NATO’s expansion sends all the wrong signals. It tells the Russians they’re still not really accepted by the West. It tells them they’re still seen as the enemy. No matter how sweetly NATO tries to sugar the pill, Russia’s going to feel once again like a pariah in Europe.”

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Finally room for tea bags

TUESDAY, 12 APRIL 2022

In the last few weeks, I had at least two dreams about boxes full of old papers and other rubbish I had collected over the years, which were still filling up rooms in an apartment I no longer even live in. An elderly Taiwanese lady appeared more than once as superintendent of the building or owner of the apartment. In one of the dreams all the boxes were wet – and there were many of them.

Then, last night, I dreamed again I was on my way. My wife was there too. The story was that we were on our way out of the country; she was going first, and I was to follow a day or two later – when I was done packing. Big difference with the hundred other times when I’ve dreamed about this theme was that all the most important stuff had already been packed. Even in my dream, I was wondering if this was really true. I looked around, and true as a fact, there were only pieces of paper on the floor, empty boxes that had been folded and stacked, and one or two pieces of clothing in a closet.

I woke up, fell asleep again, and the dream continued. Two posters that had to be left behind. I remembered that at one point I had thought it was worth the one or two dollars I paid for it at a Hospice store, but I knew I could walk away from it.

Best of all – and this was in the first dream – was my suitcase with which I would fly the next day. With not much left of value to pack, the suitcase was only half full! I moved some of the clothes to the side, and I was amazed at how much space there was left. I had tea bags in my hand, and I thought there was no doubt about it – there was definitely room.

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