Tag: adult life

Deep gratitude as defiance

SATURDAY, 14 FEBRUARY 2026

Deep gratitude as defiance, a form of “Fuck you” to anyone or anything that wants to keep you down.

“What if you are diagnosed with cancer, or even worse, you’ve been suffering from cancer for months?”

Deep gratitude that I’m still alive. I still have a chance to beat it.

“What if you have terminal cancer, with mere weeks to live?”

Deep gratitude that I still have time to get my affairs in order.

“What if you have actually died from the cancer?”

Deep gratitude that the pain is over.

“Okay, what if you’re a man and you’re in a fight and it’s not going well?”

Deep gratitude that I’m still standing.

“What if you’ve actually lost the fight?”

Deep gratitude that I’m still alive.

“What if the other guy actually killed you?”

Deep gratitude that I don’t have to deal with assholes like him anymore.

______________________

Everyone gets their turn

SUNDAY, 19 OCTOBER 2025

Here’s a thought for middle-aged people, and for young people who may eventually become middle-aged.

For me, turning 50 was a shock. I was definitely not prepared for it. It was also in the middle of the so-called pandemic of 2020-2022, so everyone was a little nervous anyway.

At 54, I’ve had time to get used to the idea, and I can also see myself getting older by the day – and definitely looking older than when I was 48.

The point is, everyone gets their turn. One day you’re a kid, and a few years later it’s your turn to be a teenager. And a few short years later it’s your turn to be 21 or 22. Then 25 … and you realize time doesn’t stand still. Then it’s your turn to be in your thirties. And just as you get comfortable with what it means to be that age – how you’re no longer a teenager but still have decades to work towards a comfortable retirement, you hit 40. A new role again, and a slightly different identity than when you were 35.

And unless the train drops you off at an earlier station, you’re suddenly 50.

The fact is, someone has to be 50 while other people are 40 and other people are 30 and other people are 20 and other people are teenagers and children and toddlers. And after a few years, everyone moves on a few chairs while new people occupy the old positions.

And you accept it with dignity and a good sense of humour. And hopefully a little wisdom to share.

Only death can change that: Everyone gets their turn.

______________________

Things that age you

SATURDAY, 27 SEPTEMBER 2025

Battled with fever this whole week, stuffy nose, cough … but the worst were the nights: hot, muggy, and because any breeze would have made my nose even more congested, no fan or air conditioning.

A person’s immune system protects you from germs and viruses that are constantly on your case, pursuing you on every turn 24 hours a day, seven days a week, waiting for the slightest chance to penetrate your defences and make you sick. Lower your weapons for a moment – like sitting in front of a fan with wet hair, and your fortress is overrun.

Same with your mental immune system. As long as you’re relatively healthy, and everything is working as it should, you can also fend off most of the mental germs and viruses that want to undermine your emotional well-being. But the moment a general weakening is detected …

There are so many things going on in the world that one has to try to make sense of. So much violence, and crime, and corruption, and political leaders sending people to their deaths and then congratulating themselves on a job well done. And there are personal memories from ten years ago, and twenty years ago … memories of your childhood. Memories of when you had a fever in another city in another country. And then other memories from those times also seep out that you keep carefully packed away most of the time. And all these mental germs and viruses rush through your gates as you struggle in the small hours of the night to get some sleep before the sun comes up.

It ages you. It changes you.

______________________

Many people don’t know what they’re doing with their lives

THURSDAY, 4 SEPTEMBER 2025

I am 54 years old. I am blessed and burdened (can’t say cursed) with the tendency to reflect on my existence: What am I doing with my life? How does this activity fit into the bigger picture? What ought I be doing?

I did it when I was 24. I still do it today.

So, what am I doing?

I make money – to survive and maintain a relatively good standard of living – nothing fancy, but decent enough. I am also constantly thinking of ways to improve my income, and make it part of a daily routine. I don’t want to stand on the proverbial street corner hustling. I want to operate well-oiled, income-generating machines. I don’t mind operating the knobs and levers and switches myself, but my hope is that some of the machines will eventually run on autopilot. Many of my hours each week, if not each day, are currently spent not on maintaining such machines, but on thinking about how I can build such machines – and of course on the actual building of the apparatus.

I need to scrape together approximately a hundred million units so we can start thinking about retirement in ten years or so. What will retirement mean in 2036? Who knows. But I hope we’ll be living in a safe community; that we’ll have enough to eat; that we’ll be able to maintain a simple but good lifestyle; that we’ll be able to get medical care without panicking about the cost; that we could travel locally every now and then, and every so often spend a week or two in another country. If one could do all these things without a small fortune in 2036, fantastic. If not, my wife and I are going to have to save a lot more money over the next decade than we currently do.

Then, things that go beyond money. I hope to maintain my positive outlook and reasonably good health as long as possible. I hope to support my partner in her quest to stay happy and healthy. And then I hope to share some knowledge and insight in my own modest way with whoever crosses my path – and of course, to pick up some knowledge and insight from these individuals. I also hope to be a facilitator of the processes, to whatever tiny degree, by which other people develop, or refine, their ability to survive and live productive and happy lives.

This is what my life is about on Thursday, 4 September 2025. To a large extent, it is the broad outline of my entire adult existence thus far – although, thirty years ago I was naturally more concerned about having enough money to be “free” than about retiring comfortably.

Back to the well-oiled, income-generating machines. It feels like I have hundreds of pieces on the floor around my desk, and on the shelves next to the desk, and unpacked in little piles on my desk. And I have dozens of notes like this one that attempt to create order from the hundreds of parts, in all sorts of “private” and “official” Word documents. I also have lists.

Anyways, I just wanted to say that a lot of people don’t know what they’re doing with their lives. Some of these people are 24. Some are 54. And I’m sure some of them are 64.

______________________

Hope for a good and happy life – even in Gaza

WEDNESDAY, 30 APRIL 2025

Goal: A good and happy life, now. And a comfortable retirement in old age – if one makes it that far.

Isn’t that what everyone hopes for?

“Not people in Gaza,” someone will say. “They just hope for peace, and for the bombs to stop.”

Correct, I will answer. For now, they desperately hope every single day for peace and quiet, and for food and medicine and other supplies to reach them. And to be able to start rebuilding their homes and schools and hospitals and other infrastructure.

But what will they wish for if the psychotic-terrorist European colonial project called Israel is finally defeated in its efforts to wipe out Palestinians and steal their land? What will they hope for when their homes and hospitals and schools and mosques and churches are rebuilt?

They will most likely hope for a good and happy life, and a comfortable retirement in old age, if their lives stretch that far.