SATURDAY, 13 SEPTEMBER 2003
Sit down at the dressing table in the living room. Put the cup of Med Lemon down on a coaster and pull a cigarette butt out of the metal thing in the ashtray designed to more effectively snuff out cigarettes. Fold your right leg over your left leg. Pick up the cup and blow on the contents. Whisper-sing, “I’m in hell without you!” Blow two or three times more then take a sip. Remove the second last cigarette from the pack of Nat Sherman Naturals, take the yellow lighter and light the cigarette. Blow out the smoke then blow a few bubbles. Transfer the cigarette to your left hand, get a grip on the cup and blow on the contents. Take two or three sips. Put the cup down. Transfer the cigarette to your right hand. Pull on the cigarette. Throw your head back and blow out the smoke. Blow another bubble. Look at your poster of Vladimir Lenin. Tap into the ashtray. Stroke your right foot. Blow a few bubbles. Transfer the cigarette to your left hand. Take the cup, blow on the contents then take two or three sips. Put the cup down. Sniff. Rotate your foot in anticlockwise motions. Sit back. Transfer the cigarette to your right hand. Pull on the cigarette. Blow out the smoke. Blow bubbles. Gently massage your right foot. Look at the Korean poster under Lenin that says, “Deconstructing Toward Creation.” Pull on the cigarette. Blow out the smoke. Blow bubbles. Swallow. Thump your ankle with the palm of your hand. Transfer the cigarette to your left hand. Pick up the cup, blow once, slurp two or three times. Put the cup down. Look at the statuette of Confucius on a nearby bookshelf. Transfer the cigarette to your right hand. Tap the ash. Pull on the cigarette. Blow out the smoke. Blow bubbles. Massage your foot again. Rock back and forth then say aloud: “I think of death every day. Not a single day goes by that I don’t think about death. When Charmain said it to me the other day, I laughed.” Stop rocking. Place the cigarette in your left hand. Now you want to blow a bubble, but you pull on the cigarette instead. Blow out the smoke. Now blow a bubble. Pick up the cup, blow on the contents, then slurp; slurp again then put the cup down. Transfer the cigarette again. Try to gently brush the ash off onto the metal thing in the ashtray then tap it off after a few seconds. Sit forward. Tap your feet to the rhythm of a tune in your head. Pull on the cigarette. Blow out the smoke. Caress your foot again. Sniff. Swallow. Move the cigarette deeper in between your fingers, take the cup at its handle then take a sip. Take a bigger sip. Put the cup down. Put the cigarette in your left hand. Rock back and forth again. Pull on the cigarette. Blow out the smoke. Blow bubbles. Pick up the cup, take two sips, and put the cup down again. Sniff. Tap the ash into the ashtray. Stick your big toe in the air. Wiggle your toes. Take the last … second last puff of the cigarette. Blow out the smoke. Pick up the cup and take a sip. Put the cup down. Scratch your head. Break wind. Blow a bubble. Take the last puff of the cigarette. Blow the smoke out. Snuff out the cigarette in the metal thing. Take another sip of your Med Lemon. Slide your feet into the blue plastic sandals. Get up. Walk down to the studio. Press the spacebar. Sit down. Double-click on the Microsoft Word icon. Wait until a document entitled “Document1” appears on the screen. Click the Maximize button. Place your fingers on the keyboard and type: Thirteen minutes on a Saturday night.
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